Lessons I Learned From Mom - 11/23/2008
My mother, Betty Markson, 99 years and 9 days old, passed from us this week, which as you can well imagine would be a time of memory, reflection and contemplation for me – not to mention a time to celebrate her life.
Rick, my son said it best when in his beautiful eulogy he mentioned that, to him at least, mom was like a piano, sometimes singing a beautiful melody and sometimes being a little out of tune. I prefer to remember the melody, of course, but the “little out of tune” played a significant part in the belief systems that came to be mine.
After all, Mother (“M”) is the first and most important part of the M.F.T. P. mantra that I have been espousing for all these years and for me a critical part of the environmental training I received while growing up.
On the positive side, mom taught me guts, and audacity, and determination and tenacity, with a large portion of action orientation thrown in for good measure. She was like the Eveready Energizer Battery and she kept on going and going from one action step to another, from one task to the next – always doing something. Guess the apple does not fall too far from the tree.
Procrastination, the killer of dreams and cancer of success was not even part of her personality, nor is it now a part of mine or my sister’s, brother’s, children and it appears even grandchildren. We are all action oriented. Things just get done – we were programmed that way.
Mom taught us generosity at an early age. Bring a flower here, give a cookie there, write a note to this one, help that one – just show up big and go out of your way to give away something extra – and do it with unselfish love, never needing or wanting anything it return.
But, perhaps the most critical and life-changing encouragement was that mom brought the family for regular chiropractic care since we were young and then started the motherly harping in my ear – “When you grow up you will be a Chiropractor, just like Dr. Hershon (the first DC to ever adjust me 60 long years ago).”
Hmmm – wonder if that “Preaching” had anything to do with my career choice. Doesn’t matter – I am lucky to have actually listened to mom and she was indeed responsible for me loving my days as a practicing DC, the Markson Management days, the Masters Circle days and now The Cabin Experience days – and 6 months from now – who knows what days lie ahead?
But, Rick was right, there was another side of mom, teaching me lessons I had to “unlearn” – to overcome, to alter and ameliorate if I was indeed serious about becoming successful.
This is not mother bashing, especially at a time like this. It is simply the truth and it proves to me that I am responsible for me, just as you are responsible for you regardless of any past experience!!! It was my choice to change my inner dialog and likewise, it is your choice to change yours or stay “stuck in your stuff” and live your life like a yo-yo with all of the ups and never-ending downs.
Mom was not a forgiving person. Do her wrong or don’t do what she expected and her elephant memory kicked in – never again forgetting the tiniest detail of the event. Later, when I was struggling to land on my feet, this was the first major change I made. First, to forgive myself first for my mistakes and errors and then to forgive others so they would not negatively own a piece of my soul.
Lastly, mom holds the original recipe for guilt. You want some you go to her. Guilt in a personality is hard to change, but it can be done – and it is worth the effort. Once I realized that guilt had absolutely no positive value in my life and that someone giving me guilt never caused me to do anything different I simply made a decision to let it go, like a feather in the wind. That simple!
I could go on and on but I guess I have accomplished my mission. Thanks mom, the good melody far outweighed the out of tune stuff, and I turned out fairly well. May you rest in peace! I will continue to pass your wisdom on to --- whomsoever!
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